Chapter I : Surprise! Sammy, Halloween and Sweetsville
To the people of Sweetsville, USA., Halloween is a big day. It always has been. As a matter of fact, they've been celebrating Halloween every year a month before Halloween Day as far back as anyone in that town could remember.
During the entire month before Halloween, it really wasn't that unusual to see Little Bo Peep or Little Jack Horner, or even Humpty Dumpty walking down the street, or shopping or even at work. People dressed up as baseball players, hockey players, or their favorite sports team. Many of the towns residents dressed as animals too. Or, their favorite nursery rhyme character.
But everyone, and I mean everyone, nam, woman and child, dressed up in some sort of costume. And you wouldn't have to guess what they were or who they were supposed to be either because everyone always wore the same costume every year.
And then there was Sammy Snickersnack, The Scariest Slob in Sweetsville, USA. He was the same ol' messy, same ol' smelly ol' slob all year round that he had been when he made his home in Sweetsville some 10 years earlier. And that made everyone angry, frustrated and helpless in as much as their hands were tied. You see, the towns motto was, 'Live and let your neighbor be who they want to be!" It was on a big sign as you entered into Sweetsville.
But after so many complaints from the townspeople, the Mayor called an emergency town meeting. And that's where we pick up the story.
It's two nights before Halloween and folks were gathering at the High School gym. The High School Gym doubles as the town hall so when there's a problem, or they need to discuss one of their own, this is where everyone gathers.
Johnny McPumpkin, the Mayor of Sweetsville, and who always dresses as a Buccaneer, pounded his gavel on the long cafeteria style table that was set up on the stage in the High School Gym for the nights town hall meeting.
Everyone in the gym was just gabbing away. I mean, it was so loud at times, you couldn't even think.
"ORDER! ORDER! We must have order here!" the Mayor shouted! "Please take your seats!"
As everyone took their seats, Mary Pumperknickle, who was dressed as Alice of Alice in Wonderland rose and declared aloud, "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT SAMMY SNICKERSNACK? HE'S SUCH AN EMBARESSMENT TO OUR COMMUNITY! OH, AND HE SCARES THE HEEBEE JEEBES OUT OF ME. HE'S SUCH A SCARY SLOB TOO!"
A lot of chatter started up again after that outburst and the Mayor pounded the gavel on the table to bring the crowd to order.
"That's what we're here to discuss Mary," the Mayor responded. "Now please sit down!" And when she did, everyone applauded her. She nodded to everyone as if she was some sort of queen or something.
The Mayor continued.
"Now, of course, we are all here to discuss this slob of a man who lives up on Mulberry Creek Road. I have issued warnings to him from my office to clean up his property. I've told him to get rid of all the bugs and stuff in his front yard. I told him to cut the grass and to empty his garbage and trim his trees. I have not heard from him since I issued these warnings about a year ago. I have no other authority, and the police chief has no other obligation nor the authority, to follow up on that request. We all voted and passed the law folks. It's 'The Live and Let Your Neighbor Be Who They Want to Be Law'you voted on twenty years ago. And all we agreed that we here in Sweetsville, would not harrass anyone for living the way they wanted to here in our fair town of Sweetsville. That's why we named this town, Sweetsville!"
A man in the back of the room, Chester Gobblygook, raised his hand and stood up. He was dressed as Superman I might add.
"Yes Chester?" Asked the Mayor.
"I live right next door to this scary, smelly slob. I have to see and smell him and his property all day long, everyday. It's a gettin' to where I don't even know what food tastes like anymore. My wife Matilda shuts the window at dinner time. I use to think it was her cookin' that smelled so bad."
His wife Matilda, who was dressed as a magician hit him in the head with her wand. The crowd chuckled and he sat back down.
Cathy Chatty, who was dressed as a Chatty Cathy doll, stood up and asked, "Does anyone here know him? Has anyone ever spoke to him? Does anyone know what he does or knows where he came from? I must admit, he is a pretty scary looking slob but I for one don't know anything about him. Anyone here know anything about him?"
No one said anything. You could hear a pin drop.
Bobby Puddinhead, who every year just wore jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap with a leaf dangling down in front of it raised his hand and stood up (FYI: when someone asked what he was supposed to be, he blew on the leaf and told them he was a leaf blower).
When the Mayor called on him, Bobby said, "I have an idea. Let's have this meeting tomorrow night and invite Sammy Snickersnack to come down here and we'll all straightened him out. He can see and hear how we feel. Maybe he'll just change his ways and clean himself up. He is such a slob. And like y'all said, a scary slob at that. And smelly too!"
There was a moment of silence and then everyone cheered the idea. Even the Mayor said it was a great idea. With that, the Mayor put the Police Chief, Henrah Puffensnuff, who was dressed as a cop, in charge of going to Sammy Snickersnacks' home and asking him to be at the meeting tomorrow night.
Police Chief Henrah Puffensnuffs' asked, "Why me? What about the smell?"
The Mayors reply? "Just wear that gas mask we bought you last year. It took us 10 years to save up enough to get it. And we'll probably never need it. May as well put it to good use."
Everyone left that night with great anticipation for what was to come the next night.
One couple was overheard saying, "We're gonna get him and get him good!"
A man dressed as a spider was heard saying to his friend, "We'll straighten that scary ol' slob up and make him fly right or else."
And a big lady in a bumblebee outfit said, "This town would be better off without him I think."
Chapter II : Sammy Snickersnack's Surprise Visitor
It was the morning after the town hall meeting and it was also the day before Halloween. Police Chief Henrah Puffensnuff grabbed his gas mask and was getting ready to head out the door to Sammy Snickersnack's home when the phone rang. He picked up the phone and answered, "Sweetsville Police Headquarters. Chief Henrah Puffensnuff here. What can I do fer ya?"
"It's Mayor McPumpkin Henrah. Just had an idea. Tell Sammy Snickersnack that it's a party we're a havin' for him tonight. Tell him he's the guest of honor and needs to be there. Don't tell him we're gonna demand he clean himself up. Don't tell him the townspeople are scared of him and thinks he stinks real bad."
"Got ya Mayor. I'll go easy on him. I'll get him to the meeting if I have to drag him there myself." The Chief responded and hung up.
As the Chief drove down Mulberry Creek Road with sun light peeking in through the trees spotting and strobing the street on this beautiful Fall day, he couldn't help but notice all the manicured lawns, neatly trimmed hedges and freshly painted homes on the block. It made him feel more relaxed and comfortable to perform the task at hand.
But as he drove up a little further, just past those beautiful homes on Mulberry Creek Road and was soon approaching Sammy Snickersnack's home, it went from light to dark all of a sudden. He pulled into the driveway, turned his squad car off and sat there in anticipation for several minutes wondering whether to get out or not.
He just sat there and looked around observing massive spider webs hanging from the trees and all over the garage and house. The Chief noticed many windows broken on the garage and even the basement windows seemed to be broken. There was puffs of smoke coming from the broken windows. "Odd. Very odd." he thought to himself.
He looked up to the house and there was what appeared to be hundreds of shrunken heads on the window sills and on the front porch. Some very small, some medium sized and some very big. There were spiders and bats everywhere hanging from the trees and house.
Now the Chief was becoming visibly shaken and nervous.
The Chief considered going back to the station and calling the FBI when all of a sudden, there was a loud knocking on his car window. Startled, the Chief grabbed his gas mask and put it on while the person knocking on his window motioned for him to roll it down.
As he did rolled the window down, the person knocking introduced himself to a shocked and somewhat frozen Police Chief.
He said, "Hi! I'm Sammy Snickersnack and I'm a slob. What are you supposed to be? An ant? That's a heck of a ant mask you have there!"
Stunned, shocked and somewhat bewildered, as well as a tad scared at this slob and the smell coming from his house, he said very fast voice, "I'm Police Chief Henrah Puffensnuff and your invited to a party tonight at the High School gym. You're guest of honor so you be there or I'll come and get ya! BUH BYE!!"
He started his car, gunned the engine, slammed it into reverse and floored it backing into the street with such reckless abandonment, he almost lost control and landed in a ditch across the street. Sammy Snickersnack ran after Chief Puffensnuff, who was still wearing the gas mask, and shouted, "WHAT TIME SHOULD I BE THERE?"
With the gas mask still on the Chiefs head, all Sammy heard him say was, "MACK-YEN-BLUMTY!"
As the Chief sped off down the street, Sammy Snickersnack wasn't sure what time he had said but it sounded like he said 8:30.
The Chief had actually said 7:30pm as he peeled out. Oh oh!
After the Police Cheif Henrah Puffensnuff had left Sammys house that day, all Sammy could think about was that he finally had a visitor. He finally met someone in Sweetsville. And even more so, he was invited to a party. A real party! He stood there for a few moments and really mulled it over.
"Me!" he thought to himself. "Invited to a party. And I'm guest of honor too! I don't even have to worry about what to wear cause I'm a slob. A real slob. Been a slob ever since I came here to Sweetsville and have really worked hard at it. Now, everyone wants to honor me for being a slob. I just know it. I am so, so very happy. I'm not even going to take a bath. I'm going as is! Woo hoo!"
Later that night around 8:00, the crowd was already there milling and mulling about talking about Sammy Snickersnack.
The entire town had shown up. Of course, they were all dressed up in their Halloween costumes. There was Superman, Spiderman, a Chicago Cub, a basketball player, little Miss Muffet, Chatty Cathy, a leaf blower, a cop, Alice in Wonderland, a magician, The Mummy, the Living Impaired, a Zombie, a Devil in a Blue Dress, a Trash Ghoul, a Monster, a Werewolf, a Teen Witch, a Vampeen, a Vampire Maid, a Grim Reaper, a Ghoul, a Vampire Girl, a Victorian Ghost Girl, a Sewn up Dead Person, a Witches Daughter, a Vampiress, a Ballet Witch, a Clown, Classy Witch, a Bat, a Vampire Princess, a Hunchback, another Witch, a Spider, a Skeleton, Frankenstein, a Ghost, a Goblin and anything else you could think up. There wasn't a sane person in the bunch. Ooops. Wrong story.
They were growing even more upset than they were the night before. Everyone was disgusted and angry. "WHERE IS THAT SLOB AT CHIEF? DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM TO BE HERE??" someone in the crowd shouted.
The Chief grabbed the microphone and replied, "Why, yes I did!"
Chief Puffensnuff told the group of citizens what happened when he went to Sammy Snicksnacks' home that day. He told them about the spider webs all around in the trees and all over the house. He told them of the cracked windows with smoke coming from them. He told them about the shrunken heads everywhere. When he told them that, the crowd got really sick and had to use the restrooms.
Chapter III : Sweetsville's Visitor a Big Surprise
It's a good thing there was punch and cookies or the crowd would have really gotten out of control. Chief Puffensnuff was just about ready, and extremely relunctant I might add, to go and get him when the door opened up and in walked Sammy Snickersnack.
You could hear a pin drop as the crowd settled down and watched in a disappointed, disgusted way in his direction.
As he walked towards the stagein his sleeveless t-shirt waving his arms in the air exposing his hairy unkempt armpits, he exclaimed, "Well, here I is! The man of the hour. Your man is here for all to see and receive his award. Thank ya. Thank ya. Thank ya very much!"
He walked up the steps onto the stage and shook the Mayors hand. He grabbed the microphone and addressed the towns people.
"Thank you for inviting me to my party. Thank you for honoring me. I don't think there's a slob anywhere in the world today who is more choked up than I am right now. Wait a minute, I think I have a tear coming."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out one the most disgusting, dirtiest looking hankerchiefs you ever saw in your life and wiped that tear from his eye.
The crowd, dumbfounded and befuddled sat in utter disbelief and shock.
The Mayor took the quiet moment as an opportunity to interupt the "guest of honor".
"Uh...er uh... Mr. Snickersnack? I don't think you quite understand why you were called here tonight."
"Oh, I understand all to well," Sammy quipped back.
"You see, when I moved to Sweetsville ten years ago, I had always envisioned me as one of the best slobs anywhere, anytime. No one, and I mean no one would appreciate a slob like me except you all. You fine people love Halloween and so do I. You celebrate it for a month before the day itself. I celebrate it all year round. I love being a slob. And I love being a slob all year round. Yes I do."
The Mayor asked, "You mean to tell us that you are slob because of Halloween? It's your.. costume?"
"Why, yes it is," Sammy answered with a smile.
"But what about the smoke coming from your windows. And the spiders, and the spider webs and the bats hanging everywhere. And the shrunken heads and the horrible smell coming from you and your home?" The Mayor asked.
"Oh that," he said. "The smoke is from dry ice. It really makes my place look spooky. And when I added the spiders and webs and the bats in the trees and on the house, sometimes I'd look out the window and scare myself. Then I remember that I was the one who hung those things and they are just plastic. As for the shrunken heads, they are rotten apples and rotten pumpkins with eyes, nose and mouth I made. Sorry about the smell but some of that fruit is 10 years old. Everywhere I go, people treat me like a bum instead of a slob. But not here. Now, where's my Award of Appreciation or Distinction?"
Looking down with his hands on his Buccaneer hips, the Mayor just shook his head.
"Award? I'll give him the boot. The boot out of town." The Mayor thought to himself.
The crowd, still stunned, stood up and was going to really give it to him. A man dressed as a ghost yelled, "You're a bum and a slob!"
Sammy thanked the ghost and because the crowd was too loud and began pointing at him and screaming, and the Mayor pounding the table with the gavel, no one could hear him.
Chatty Cathy screamed out in a loud shrieking howl getting the crowds attention. "Let him talk please!" she demanded.
Sammy looked at Cathy Chatty and smiled not knowing what the problem was. But she smiled back at him and sat down as did everyone in the room.
Sammy said, "You all have no idea what living here in Sweetsville has done for me. But before you all give me my award, I have something to present to you all and the Town of Sweetsville."
He turned and faced the Mayor and reached deep down in his pocket. Everyone watched as he pulled out a check. It was made out to the Town of Sweetsville and it was made out for 100 million dollars. Thats right! That's what I said. I said 100 Million dollars. $100,000,000!
The Mayor stood up and told the crowd, "This check here is for 100 Million Dollars!"
Everyone sat motionless.
Now he had the towns attention.
Sammy continued on, "I'm a retired inventor and have been inventing things all my life and have been extremely successful. I have made millions of dollars at it making me a very, very rich man. This money is to improve the town and maybe, just maybe, extend Halloween into Thanksgiving."
The crowd went into a frenzy. They cheered. They cried. They high fived. They danced. Women fainted. Men were fainting too. They just couldn't believe it! Man, were they ever wrong about this dude.
The Mayor had to think quick. He patted him on the back, shook his hand and told Sammy his award hadn't come back from the award shop yet and he would personally drop it off himself. Sammy was delighted.
The Mayor then proclaimed the day before Halloween, 'Sammy Snickersnack Day' and told everyone, that for 100 million dollars, that he was personally going to rename the town to Slobsville and was going to order everyone to be a slob from now on the day before Halloween.
Not only was he going to do that, but he changed the towns motto from 'Live and let your neighbor be who they want to be!" to 'Live and be a Slob. It's OK in Slobsville!" No one had a problem with that and everyone agreed. They applauded the new proclamation, town name and motto change.
Everyone had gone up to Sammy Snickersnack to shake his hand and introduce themselves. They did this all night long until no one was left in the High School Gym. They gave him a big hug not even caring that he stunk so bad. Many just held their breath. Some held their nose. Sammy didn't care. He had long awaited this attention.
A few years later, and after much dating, he and Cathy Chatty got married and had two and a half a dozen Snickersnacks on their wedding night. No, not children. The snickers bar candy... duh. She made him get rid of all the rotten apples and pumpkins and fix all the windows. He didn't care cause he was in love. They lived happily ever after. The neighbors, who could now have dinner with the windows open also lived happily ever after.
Update: After a few years, many people who came to know and love the Snickersnack's had become slobs themselves. Even the Mayor and Police Chief became slobs.
Update: Cathy didn't mind her husband being a slob as long as he took a bath every day and used deordorant.
Update: CNN News reported that Slobsville, USA., was the worse place to live in the USA because of all the slobs that lived there. What do they know?
Moral: Treat all people with respect. Treat all people the way you want to be treated. Even if they stink and appear to be a slob. Ya never know. They may be rich and love Halloween.
The End of the Story and the Beginning of...
Sammy Snickersnack, The Happiest Slob in Slobsville, USA.