Fingleweed The Bus Driver
five o'clock in the morning and I haven't slept a
wink all night. What should I do?" mumbled Fauntleroy
Fingleweed. You see, Fauntleroy Fingleweed ate a large
anchovy and onion pizza before he went to bed and
he had an upset stomach and just tossed and turned
all night long.
Fingleweed was the bus driver in the town of Luppendectomee,
Kentucky, population 325. As a matter of fact, he
was the only bus driver and he needed that all important
sleep because he took his job very, very serious.
at the bus depot at 5:30AM and man, was he ever tired
and half awake, or maybe it's half asleep. Anyway,
he got into his seat, started the bus up and pulled
out of the terminal at 5:32. He did this for many
years picking up the same people everyday taking them
to the big city to work. He only had 6 stops before
driving the 50 miles into the city and there were
only 11 people who rode the bus each day.
at his first stop, he picked up Mrs. Hildy Hickle,
Mr. Mopey Moldybum, and Miss Millie Minapoo.
second stop was Beauford Bobblenook, and Nate Naggyman.
The third, fourth and fifth stops, Mr. and Mrs. Lunnywise,
Samson Salmon, Lonnie Yokomoto, and some guy they
called Jellyroll because he always ate three or four
jelly rolls along the way and he always made a mess
out of himself and the seat in which he sat in.
sixth stop, there was always Clyde Hilgendorfer who
you always see running down the street because he
was always running late. But each day, Fauntleroy
Fingleweed would patiently wait for him greeting him
with a tip of the hat and a howdy doo.
particular day, because Fauntleroy Fingleweed couldn't
sleep all night, he found himself dozing at the wheel.
When he got to the main road out of town, he turned
left instead of right. And because everyone, except
Jellyroll, usually slept on the way into the city,
no one noticed. Now if you're wondering about Jellyroll,
if you ever saw JellyRoll eating a jellyroll, Jellyroll
doesn't even know what day it is much less be looking
out the window and noticing the bus going in the wrong
Fingleweed, his bus and passengers ended up in Toledo,
Ohio and he dropped everyone off on a corner he thought
was the same corner he had been dropping them off
for some 10 years. He said goodbye, and drove off.
got back on the highway, a few miles down the road
he saw a rest stop so he pulled over and took a nap.
He awoke some 15 minutes later by a tapping noise
on his window. It was a policeman.
asked, "Are you the bus driver who dropped a
bunch of people off on a corner in Toledo, Ohio?"
Fauntleroy Fingleweed replied, "Where the heck
of this story is get plenty of rest and don't eat
an anchovy and onion pizza before bed. Especially
if you drive a bus.