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Fauntleroy Fingleweed The Bus Driver
by Kieto

"It's five o'clock in the morning and I haven't slept a wink all night. What should I do?" mumbled Fauntleroy Fingleweed. You see, Fauntleroy Fingleweed ate a large anchovy and onion pizza before he went to bed and he had an upset stomach and just tossed and turned all night long.

Fauntleroy Fingleweed was the bus driver in the town of Luppendectomee, Kentucky, population 325. As a matter of fact, he was the only bus driver and he needed that all important sleep because he took his job very, very serious.

He arrived at the bus depot at 5:30AM and man, was he ever tired and half awake, or maybe it's half asleep. Anyway, he got into his seat, started the bus up and pulled out of the terminal at 5:32. He did this for many years picking up the same people everyday taking them to the big city to work. He only had 6 stops before driving the 50 miles into the city and there were only 11 people who rode the bus each day.

Arriving at his first stop, he picked up Mrs. Hildy Hickle, Mr. Mopey Moldybum, and Miss Millie Minapoo.

At the second stop was Beauford Bobblenook, and Nate Naggyman. The third, fourth and fifth stops, Mr. and Mrs. Lunnywise, Samson Salmon, Lonnie Yokomoto, and some guy they called Jellyroll because he always ate three or four jelly rolls along the way and he always made a mess out of himself and the seat in which he sat in.

At the sixth stop, there was always Clyde Hilgendorfer who you always see running down the street because he was always running late. But each day, Fauntleroy Fingleweed would patiently wait for him greeting him with a tip of the hat and a howdy doo.

This one particular day, because Fauntleroy Fingleweed couldn't sleep all night, he found himself dozing at the wheel. When he got to the main road out of town, he turned left instead of right. And because everyone, except Jellyroll, usually slept on the way into the city, no one noticed. Now if you're wondering about Jellyroll, if you ever saw JellyRoll eating a jellyroll, Jellyroll doesn't even know what day it is much less be looking out the window and noticing the bus going in the wrong direction.

Fauntleroy Fingleweed, his bus and passengers ended up in Toledo, Ohio and he dropped everyone off on a corner he thought was the same corner he had been dropping them off for some 10 years. He said goodbye, and drove off.

When he got back on the highway, a few miles down the road he saw a rest stop so he pulled over and took a nap. He awoke some 15 minutes later by a tapping noise on his window. It was a policeman.

The policeman asked, "Are you the bus driver who dropped a bunch of people off on a corner in Toledo, Ohio?"

To which Fauntleroy Fingleweed replied, "Where the heck is Toledo?"

The moral of this story is get plenty of rest and don't eat an anchovy and onion pizza before bed. Especially if you drive a bus.

The End


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