Big Dill Pickle and the County Fair by Kieto

Big Dill Pickle had the record for eating the most foot long submarine sandwiches in Harrietsville, North Carolina each year at the County Fair held in July. He held that record for twenty years. Each time he won, they gave him a 6-inch Gold Medallion of a submarine sandwich on a chain, which he wore around his neck with pride.

He would never leave his house without wearing those twenty Gold Medallions he won each year. The Gold Medallions became so heavy though, he walked bent over and he soon needed a cane just to walk around to hold him up.

The County Fair record was eating 6 foot-long submarine sandwiches in 5 minutes. There was no one around who could beat him because he would take the entire sandwich and just shove the whole thing in his mouth.

On those sandwiches were mayonnaise, mustard, horseradish, pickles, tomatoes, ham, beef, baloney, headcheese, American cheese and lettuce. It was amazing to see him shove those things into his mouth each year at the county fair.

On the 21st year of the County Fair, people who had heard about Big Dill Pickle came from miles around just to see him in action. This year, it looked like no one would challenge him because they knew they couldn't beat him.

But at the last minute, a lady named Pinky Pickle, no relation but some rumored they were first cousins, entered the contest. She knew she couldn't win. She was just hungry, loved submarine sandwiches and had always had a crush on Big Dill Pickle.

The starter of the contest made the announcement. "This is a contest between Pickles it seems with Big Dill Pickle on my left, and Pinky Pickle on my right! Let's get it going!"

Big Dill Pickle wore his Gold Medallions with pride and with one hand on a submarine sandwich and the other on his cane, the starter of the contest shot his pistol in the air.

Pinky Pickle just took her time and was savoring each bite making sure she chewed and swallowed and enjoyed each morsel. People standing around just laughed because they knew who was going to win it.

But just as Big Dill Pickle was finishing up his first submarine sandwich, his cane snapped in half and he fell face down into a big bowl of mayonnaise and couldn't get back up because of the weight of his medals.

Pinky Pickle just kept eating away and was halfway through her second sandwich when the gun went off signaling the end of the contest. She won and no one could believe it! They were all stunned.

A bunch of men went over and helped Big Dill Pickle out of the bowl of mayonnaise and when they wiped it from his eyes, he was in shock.

"I've never lost before and I don't even like mayonnaise!"

Big Dill Pickle stayed very calm and cool though and showed he was tough in the crunch. Plus he didn't want to be a sour Pickle.

At the Awarding of the Gold Submarine Sandwich Medallion Ceremony, Big Dill Pickle, being helped up by several men, walked to the microphone and said:

I stand before you humble and dazed,
After falling in a bowl of mayonnaise,
I've won this contest for twenty years,
And I lean before you without any tears.

The weight of this gold pulled me down,
And made me look like a silly clown.
But don't be sad for me I declare!
Pinky Pickle won this contest fair and square.

With that, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and helped him to his chair. Walking to the microphone, she wiped a tear from her eye and said:

Big Dill Pickle is no clown,
Nor should he be wearing any frown.
He gave it his best
But never the less,
The medals he wore brought him down.

Everyone applauded and they presented the Gold Medallion of the Submarine Sandwich to her, which she took off her neck and placed it around the neck of Big Dill Pickle.

"You're my hero," she said. "And I think love you!"

As he tried to stand up, the weight of the medals again took over and down he went falling face first into the stage breaking his nose in three different places making him look like Carl Malden.

From that moment on, he only wore the Gold Medallion Pinky Pickle gave him.

They courted for a few months and then were married. They opened a sandwich shop in the downtown area and after ten years, had seven kids. There was Spear, Gherkin, Kosher, Sweet Mix, Half-Sour, Hoagie and little Baby Dill.

Dill and Pinky Pickle and their seven kids lived happily ever after. Dill never ate a submarine sandwich like he did for years at the County Fair because it was important to teach the kids good eating habits. By the way, they named the sandwich shop ... Pickles!

Moral: It doesn't matter if you win or lose; it only matters if you stay cool as a cucumber.

The End