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Old Lady Buttermumbles and the
Broken Umbrella
by Kieto

"Oh no! Old Lady Buttermumbles is on her way up the street! Step aside; don't stare; don't say anything. She'll hit you with her umbrella if you do," jested Mr. Matthews, the barber.

He was standing on the corner having his coffee and his usual morning neighborhood gossip chit chat get together with Mr Niddy, the druggist, and Mr. Wilkerson, the owner of the neighborhood confectionary.

"I hear she sleeps with that umbrella", giggled Mr. Niddy.

"I heard she uses it to cook with", chuckled Mr. Wilkerson.

As she approached the three gentleman, they lowered their heads and backed away to make room for her while Mr. Matthews greeted her in a friendly way. "Good morning Mrs. Buttermumbles."

To which she scoffed back raising her umbrella shaking it at the three. "You see this umbrella? Now mind your own business! All you busybodies do all day is gossip. You're worse than a bunch of old ladies!" And off she went leaving them in her dust.

This had gone on for a long time until one day, the three were standing on that same street corner gossiping as they usually do when Mr. Matthews observed Old Lady Buttermumbles coming up the street in her usual fashion. Grumpy and hurried.

He said to his gossip buddies, "I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to ask her about that umbrella and where she goes every day."

Mr. Niddy and Mr. Wilkerson, with surprised looks on their faces, just wished him good luck and backed away to a safe distance.

As she approached, a visibly nervous Mr. Matthews said, "Good Morning Mrs. Buttermumbles," and then asked, "Now, before you hit me with that umbrella, may I ask why you carry that umbrella and where you go in such a grumpy mood everyday?"

To which Old Lady Buttermumbles sarcastically replied, "Well, MR. BARBERMAN, if you really must know, I need to have my umbrella fixed and they're never open! There now! Go on with your gossiping MR. NOSEY and you two BUSYBODIES over there!"

To which Mr. Matthews replied, "Why, Mrs. Buttermumbles, the umbrella repair shop is two blocks in the opposite direction. You've been going the wrong way all these months."

To which she replied by raising her umbrella and giving him a good whack over the head. "Well why didn't you tell me that a long time ago? I've gotten drenched and soaked by the rain so many times. Why I oughtta...!!!"

Mr. Matthews, protecting himself from another whack over the head, replied, "WELL! YOU NEVER ASKED ME!"

T h e r e i s a m o r a l t o t h i s s t o r y.

If you carry a broken umbrella in the wrong direction, you'll not only get wet, but people WILL talk. Ask for directions. Don't be so grumpy. And don't gossip. It's not nice. ;)

The End

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