||Yolanda Bambina, The Virtuoso
Bambina could accompany herself on the piano with
her toes while she played the violin. She would remove
her shoes and socks, sit back in a chair constructed
especially for her and begin to play the most beautiful
concertos and sonatas you've ever heard with the toes
on her feet. And then at the same time, she would
take the violin, put it under her chin and play music
that would make any virtuoso cry like a baby.
Yolanda set up a video camera to catch this truly
unique talent because she wanted very much to perform
in front of a live audience and become famous. She
turned the camera on, removed her shoes and socks
and sat back in her chair. The number she chose to
play was 'The Flight of the Bumblebee' by Rimsky-Korsakov.
something to see. Yolanda's toes up and down the keyboard
and the arpeggios she performed were magnificent!
And her skill as a concert violinist was that of Paganini,
Itzhak Perlman, or Issac Stern all rolled into one.
removed the video from the camera and sent it to the
New York Philharmonic hoping that she could be a guest
performer on stage spotlighting her talent.
only one thing that bothered Yolanda and it also bothered
anyone else who was in the same room. She had a very,
very bad foot fungus problem. When she removed her
shoes and socks, she could barely stand the smell
of her feet herself. They just stunk up the room something
awful. Many times while she practiced, she wore a
surgical mask and sometimes that wouldn't even help
they stunk so bad. Let me put it to you this way.
If you were within 20 feet of Yolanda and experienced
symptoms of dizziness, short of breath, and found
it extremely hard to swallow, the best way to remedy
further discomfort would be to completely evacuate
yourself from the area.
receive a letter of invitation and acceptance by special
courier from the New York Philharmonic. She was beside
herself. She was so, so happy. She was to perform
on May 27th, which was a Saturday night in front of
a sold out crowd.
afternoon of the 27th, she arrived at the concert
hall and was shown to her dressing room. She soaked
her feet, but she knew no matter what she did, nothing
would help. Her feet always did stink; no matter what
she did, or how many visits she made to the doctor,
or what she sprayed them with. They just plain stunk.
tuner, who had just got back from his anchovies, onion,
garlic, and Gorgonzola pizza lunch, was to tune the
piano before the concert. Although he was sucking
on a breath mint, nothing could get rid of the garlic
and Gorgonzola cheese. He made his way to the stage
to do his tuning.
wanted to warm up a bit before the concert so removed
her shoes and socks, sat back in her chair and started
doing these amazing exercises and arpeggios with her
toes while at the same time, doing some warm-ups up
and down the fingerboard of her Stradivarius.
a sudden, the piano tuner interrupted her when he
tapped on the piano in the middle of her warm-up.
and snapped at him! "WHAT! What is it you want?
Can't you see I am getting ready for my debut? WHAT!!"
tuner leaned over and breathing his breath on her,
whispered, "Lady, I just need to tell you something."
already know! You ate my socks!! You ever hear of
a breath mint?" she exclaimed.
yes I have!" he replied. "And something
around here made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick
slow down, Secret obvious, and Sure confused!"
of todays story: If your feet smell, don't complain
about someones breath.