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Jokes, Limericks, Poems and
Humorous Stories

Kieto's Daily Recipe and Funnies is just a lot of fun. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday you'll get mouthwatering recipes. On Tuesday, some great jokes and on Thursday, an original wacky story that will definately make you either shake your head, or smile, or laugh, or all three. You won't be disappointed. Subscribe today! Start your day off with a smile!


For all I had was fifty cents! Now here's a funny poem that will put a smile on your face! I wrote the music to this cute ditty. Listen while you read and you can crack up! Me and My Gal!

He's A Trashman! I am a procrastinator and I only empty my trash when I have to. Don't ask me why. I missed the trashman again and I wrote the words and music to this song. Maybe if I sing it once in awhile, it will make me empty the trash more often.It's funny! He's A Trashman!


Click Here for the Mo Jo Man!


Have you experienced a past life? Yes. No.
Do you sing in the shower? Yes. No.
Do you want me to stop asking questions? Yes. No.
Have you experienced deva vu? Yes. No.

Click here

Hope ya smile at these!

Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder
Oh how do you taste,
So thick and so creamy
You're almost a paste.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
You once was an ear,
But now in a pot,
And my stomach so near.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
Where did you go,
There is no more left,
So I guess I'll make mo'!

***********

I went with the Duchess to tea,
Her manners were shocking to see;
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

*********

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

*******

There was an old man called Keith
Who mislaid his pair of false teeth -
Laid them on a chair,
Forgot they were there,
Sat down and was bitten underneath.



A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist. He says, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

How about the stupid guy who got a job at the candy factory, working quality control, throwing away all the M&Ms that said "W"? He doesn't eat M&Ms himself... He says they're too tough to peel.

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus; they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus. The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared ot death. He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time." One of the guys from the second team says,"Yeah, but you guys've got a driver!"

Click here
Airhead Airlines, Flight 101, is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow. (Planelanding and screeching to a halt.) RRRtttt! He turns to the co-pilot, and he says, "Man, that is the *shortest* runway I ever landed on." The co-pilot says, "Yeah, and so *wide*."

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby.uot; St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed."

A guy walks into Dunkin' Donuts. He says, "Excuse me, miss...how many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?" She says, "I think it's a seven-cup thermos." He says, "All right...give me two black, three cream and sugar."

Sometimes, I wake in the morning and feel like a polka, How about you? You ever feel that way?" Well, click here for that 90 second polka that might get you going any time O'Day!

Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy's in the bathrom. As Jimmy's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?" Then he throws his socks under the bed. Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and *he* goes into the bathroom. Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him." Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something." Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either. Tell you what," St. Peter says. "If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, I'll let you in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a circle around me. "So, I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron," the guy says. "Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!" St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?" "About ten minutes ago."

 

 

Back in '93, the Mississippi River flooded pretty bad and I'm sure some of you remember that disaster. I volunteered to help sandbag to help folk's out who were in trouble of losing everything. One day, I took a break and walked over to where this kid was standing peering out into the rising waters with a look of pure desperation on his face. I looked over to where he was gazing and noticed a hat floating down the river. Suddenly, it stopped and floated upstream against the current about 35 or so feet. Then, it mysteriously stopped and floated downstream about 40 feet or so. This was freaking me out because this went on for about 10 minutes before I asked this kid if he was seeing what I was seeing and he said, " Oh Yea! That's Grandpa! He said he was going to cut the grass come hell or high water!"

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