|
|
|
|
Jokes,
Limericks, Poems and
Humorous Stories
|
|
Kieto's
Daily Recipe and Funnies
is just a lot of fun. On Monday, Wednesday and
Friday you'll get mouthwatering recipes. On
Tuesday, some great jokes and on Thursday, an
original wacky story that will definately make
you either shake your head, or smile, or laugh,
or all three. You won't be disappointed. Subscribe
today! Start your day off with a smile!
|
 |
For
all I had was fifty cents! Now
here's a funny poem that will put a smile on your
face! I wrote the music to this cute ditty. Listen
while you read and you can crack up! Me
and My Gal! |
 |
He's
A Trashman! I am a procrastinator and
I only empty my trash when I have to. Don't ask
me why. I missed the trashman again and I wrote
the words and music to this song. Maybe if I sing
it once in awhile, it will make me empty the trash
more often.It's funny! He's
A Trashman! |
Hope ya smile at these!
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder
Oh how do you taste,
So thick and so creamy
You're almost a paste.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
You once was an ear,
But now in a pot,
And my stomach so near.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
Where did you go,
There is no more left,
So I guess I'll make mo'!
***********
I went with the Duchess to tea,
Her manners were shocking to see;
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.
*********
There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.
*******
There was an old man called Keith
Who mislaid his pair of false teeth -
Laid them on a chair,
Forgot they were there,
Sat down and was bitten underneath.
|
|
|
A guy walks
into work, and both
of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says,
"What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday
I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and
(hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered
the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains
one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
|
|
A guy goes
in to see a psychiatrist. He says, "Doc,
I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help
me, you fat slob?"
|
|
How about
the stupid guy who got a job at the candy
factory, working quality control, throwing away
all the M&Ms that said "W"? He doesn't eat M&Ms
himself... He says they're too tough to peel.
|
|
Two bowling
teams charter a double-decker bus; they're
going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One
team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other
team is in the top of the bus. The team down
below is whooping it up when one of them realizes
he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks
up the stairs, and here are all the guys from
the second team clutching the seats in front
of them with white knuckles, scared ot death.
He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down
here havin' a grand old time." One of the guys
from the second team says,"Yeah, but
you guys've got a driver!"
|
|
|
|
Airhead Airlines,
Flight 101, is coming in for a landing,
and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping
off his brow. (Planelanding and screeching to
a halt.) RRRtttt! He turns to the co-pilot, and
he says, "Man, that is the *shortest* runway I
ever landed on." The co-pilot says, "Yeah, and
so *wide*."
|
|
A cab driver
reaches the Pearly Gates and announces
his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in
his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby,
St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and
a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven. A preacher
is next in line behind the cabby and has been
watching these proceedings with interest. He announces
himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's
entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow
and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that
cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is
astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the
cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and
a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby.uot;
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "Here we
are interested in results. When you preached,
people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people
prayed."
|
|
A guy walks
into Dunkin' Donuts.
He says, "Excuse me, miss...how many cups
of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?"
She says, "I think it's a seven-cup thermos."
He says, "All right...give me two black, three
cream and sugar."
|
|
|
|
Jimmy and
Kathy are newlyweds
in the honeymoon suite on their wedding
night, and Kathy's in the bathrom. As Jimmy's
getting undressed he says to himself, "How am
I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my
new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?"
Then he throws his socks under the bed. Kathy
walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to
face her, Jimmy runs past her and *he* goes into
the bathroom. Kathy sits on the edge of the bed
and says to herself, How am I going to tell him?
How am I going to tell my new husband that I have
the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him."
Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy
runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls
back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something."
Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."
|
|
A guy arrives
at the pearly gates,
waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is leafing
through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy
of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter
closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I
don't really see that you ever really did anything
great in your life, but I don't see anything really
bad either. Tell you what," St. Peter says. "If
you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you
did in your life, I'll let you in." The guy thinks
for a moment and says, "OK, well there was this
one time when I was driving down the highway and
I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed
down, and sure enough, there they were, about
50 of 'em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I
got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my
trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of
the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather
jacket and a chain running from his nose to his
ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members
formed a circle around me. "So, I ripped the leader's
chain out of his face and smashed him over the
head with the tire iron," the guy says. "Then
I turned around and yelled to the rest of them,
'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're
all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home
before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did
this happen?" "About ten
minutes ago."
|
|
|
Back
in '93,
the Mississippi River flooded pretty bad and I'm
sure some of you remember that disaster. I volunteered
to help sandbag to help folk's out who were in
trouble of losing everything. One day, I took
a break and walked over to where this kid was
standing peering out into the rising waters with
a look of pure desperation on his face. I looked
over to where he was gazing and noticed a hat
floating down the river. Suddenly, it stopped
and floated upstream against the current about
35 or so feet. Then, it mysteriously stopped and
floated downstream about 40 feet or so. This was
freaking me out because this went on for about
10 minutes before I asked this kid if he was seeing
what I was seeing and he said, " Oh Yea! That's
Grandpa! He said he was going to cut the grass
come hell or high water!"
|
Have you enjoyed
your visit to
Kieto's Daily Website?
|
PC
Download Problems? Click Here for something funny!!
|
Some of the funniest, cleanest, humorus jokes, limericks and stories you'll ever hear!
|
|
