It’s
the BIG day! The day of my trial for being a Prose Menace. Talk about a speedy
trial. As I was being led from the jail, fans of my stories, the press, friends
and thousands of plain folk lined the path cheering. Some had signs that read,
‘FREE KIETO!’ and ‘LET MY KIETO GO!’ and ‘Exchange Kieto
for donuts!’. And I saw signs that read "World Peace, Not Just For Hippies
Anymore" and "Truckers Against This Stupid War". (Don’t ask.
I’m just telling the story.) |
 | The
courtroom was packed. It was to be aired on Court TV, but because of the sensationalism
created by the Media, the Judge, Judge Biff Wellington, asked the cameras be removed.
|
| I
decided to wear my tuxedo. I’ve been told I look pretty sharp in my tuxedo
and wanted to give a good impression to the jury. As I entered the courthouse,
I saw my family and friends as well as some of the characters I’ve written
about. There were cheers and some jeers. The Jury was made up of 10 women and
2 men. ‘I’m glad I wore my tuxedo,’ I thought to myself. |
 | I
had just sat down when the sheriff announced,
“OY YEA, OY YEA, OY YEA! Please stand for the Honorable Judge
Biff Wellington. Good morning Judge. This is the case the State of
Missouri allegedly accusing Kieto Valentino of being a Prose Menace.
The court is now in session and will now come to order!”
And the court fell silent. |
Ziggy
was right behind me and was giving me the paw up and a little wink of support. |
| Judge
Biff Wellington welcomed the jury and read the instructions. “This law of
Prose Menace has been on the books for two hundred years. If you feel that Mr.
Valentino is guilty, you must return a verdict of guilty. If you believe him innocent,
then return the verdict of not guilty. Do you understand?” |  |
| And
they all shook their heads yes. “Then let’s begin.” he said. |
 | Then
the Prosecutor, Mr. Chris Coe, stood up and approached the Jury. “Ladies
and Gentlemen of the Jury, before you is a real goofball! A real nut! He has been
accused of being a Prose Menace.” |
| Just
then, like a bolt of lightning, Ziggy leaped across the courtroom and landed on
the back of Mr. Chris Coe and it took 3 Sheriff Deputies to pry her off. He was
wearing a toupee and it came off during the attack. The Judge banished her
from the courtroom and she began to cry,’ MEOOOW! (Which means in cat talk,
“I’ll be back Kieto!”) The Judge then said, “Any further
outbursts will not be tolerated and I will clear the courtroom! Continue Mr. Coe.” |  |
| “Thank
you your Honor,” Mr. Chris Coe replied as he fixed his toupee and adjusted
his tie. He then continued. “The State will prove beyond a shadow of a
doubt that Mr. Valentino is guilty of writing bad Wacky Thursday stories. This
is what the law refers to as a Prose Menace. Now, let me give you the definition
of prose. Prose is the ordinary language people use in speaking or writing. And
menace? Well, it’s a person who causes annoyance. Put them together and you
have a person who causes an annoyance by writing stupid stories!” |
| Mr.
Chris Coe continued. “His misspellings, lack of plots, and 'no sense' storylines
has left many a reader in need of therapy. Several good people had to be hospitalized
for severe headaches and their indifference to laugh at other folk’s jokes
and stories were just one of the many aftereffects after reading one of his stories.”
|
| The
people in the courtroom gasped and the Judge issued another warning to the gallery.
“He has got away with being a Prose Menace for far too long and should
be punished! Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen.” With that final statement,
Mr. Chris Coe sat down. |
| How
will my attorney, Chris P Bacon, address the court? It looks pretty bad at this
point, but can the Jury, who all look like they've already came to a decision,
be open enough to hear my side? Who will Mr. Chris Coe call for a first witness?
And who and where are all these witnesses who have said they got sick after reading
my stories? Click continue to find out the answers to all these questions and
more! |  |
|
