Chapter I : Sammy, Halloween and Sweetsville
To the people of Sweetsville,
USA., Halloween is a big day. It always has
been. As a matter of fact, they've been celebrating Halloween every year
a month before Halloween Day as far back as anyone in that town could
During the entire month before
Halloween, it really wasn't that unusual to see Little Bo Peep or Little
Jack Horner, or even Humpty Dumpty walking down
the street, or shopping or even at work. People dressed up as baseball
players, hockey players, or their favorite sports team. Many of the towns residents dressed as animals too. Or, their
favorite nursery rhyme character.
But everyone, and I mean everyone, man,
woman and child, dressed up in some sort of costume. And you wouldn't
have to guess what they were or who they were supposed to be either
because everyone always wore the same costume every year.
And then there was Sammy Snickersnack, The Scariest Slob in Sweetsville, USA. He was the same ol' messy, same ol' smelly ol' slob all year round that he had been when he made
his home in Sweetsville some 10 years earlier.
And that made everyone angry, frustrated and helpless in as much as their
hands were tied. You see, the towns motto was, 'Live and let your
neighbor be who they want to be!" It was on a big sign as you
entered into Sweetsville.
But after so many complaints from the
townspeople, the Mayor called an emergency town meeting. And that's where
we pick up the story.
It's two nights before Halloween and folks were
gathering at the High School gym. The High School Gym doubles as the town
hall so when there's a problem, or they need to discuss one of their own,
this is where everyone gathers.
the Mayor of Sweetsville, and who always
dresses as a Buccaneer, pounded his gavel on the long cafeteria style
table that was set up on the stage in the High School Gym for the nights
town hall meeting.
Everyone in the gym was just gabbing
away. I mean, it was so loud at times, you couldn't even think.
"ORDER! ORDER! We must have order
here!" the Mayor shouted! "Please take your seats!"
As everyone took their seats, Mary Pumperknickle, who was dressed as Alice of Alice in
Wonderland rose and declared aloud, "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT
SAMMY SNICKERSNACK? HE'S SUCH AN EMBARESSMENT TO OUR COMMUNITY! OH, AND HE SCARES THE HEEBEE JEEBES OUT OF ME. HE'S
SUCH A SCARY SLOB TOO!"
A lot of chatter started up again
after that outburst and the Mayor pounded the gavel on the table to bring
the crowd to order.
"That's what we're here to
discuss Mary," the Mayor responded. "Now please sit down!"
And when she did, everyone applauded her. She nodded to everyone as if
she was some sort of queen or something.
The Mayor continued.
"Now, of course, we are all here
to discuss this slob of a man who lives up on Mulberry Creek Road. I have issued
warnings to him from my office to clean up his property. I've told him to
get rid of all the bugs and stuff in his front yard. I told him to cut
the grass and to empty his garbage and trim his trees. I have not heard
from him since I issued these warnings about a year ago. I have no other
authority, and the police chief has no other obligation
nor the authority, to follow up on that request. We all voted and
passed the law folks. It's 'The Live and Let Your Neighbor Be Who They
Want to Be Law'you voted on twenty years ago.
And all we agreed that we here in Sweetsville,
would not harrass anyone for living the way
they wanted to here in our fair town of Sweetsville.
That's why we named this town, Sweetsville!"
A man in the back of the room, Chester
Gobblygook, raised his hand and stood up. He
was dressed as Superman I might add.
"Yes Chester?" Asked the Mayor.
"I live right next door to this
scary, smelly slob. I have to see and smell him and his property all day
long, everyday. It's a gettin' to where I don't
even know what food tastes like anymore. My wife Matilda shuts the window
at dinner time. I use to think it was her cookin'
that smelled so bad."
His wife Matilda, who was dressed as a
magician hit him in the head with her wand. The crowd chuckled and he sat
Cathy Chatty, who was dressed as a
Chatty Cathy doll, stood up and asked, "Does anyone here know him?
Has anyone ever spoke to him? Does anyone know what he does or knows
where he came from? I must admit, he is a pretty scary looking slob but I
for one don't know anything about him. Anyone here know anything about
No one said anything. You could hear a
who every year just wore jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap with a
leaf dangling down in front of it raised his hand and stood up (FYI: when
someone asked what he was supposed to be, he blew on the leaf and told
them he was a leaf blower).
When the Mayor called on him, Bobby
said, "I have an idea. Let's have this meeting tomorrow night and
invite Sammy Snickersnack to come down here and
we'll all straightened him out. He can see and hear how we feel. Maybe
he'll just change his ways and clean himself up. He is such a slob. And
like y'all said, a scary slob at that. And smelly too!"
There was a moment of silence and then
everyone cheered the idea. Even the Mayor said it was a great idea. With
that, the Mayor put the Police Chief, Henrah Puffensnuff, who was dressed as a cop, in charge of
going to Sammy Snickersnacks' home and asking
him to be at the meeting tomorrow night.
Police Chief Henrah
Puffensnuffs' asked, "Why me? What about
The Mayors reply? "Just wear that
gas mask we bought you last year. It took us 10 years to save up enough to
get it. And we'll probably never need it. May as well put it to good
Everyone left that night with great
anticipation for what was to come the next night.
One couple was overheard saying,
"We're gonna get him and get him
A man dressed as a spider was heard
saying to his friend, "We'll straighten that scary ol' slob up and make him fly right or else."
And a big lady in a bumblebee outfit
said, "This town would be better off without him I think."
Chapter II : Sammy Snickersnack's
It was the morning after the town hall
meeting and it was also the day before Halloween. Police Chief Henrah Puffensnuff grabbed
his gas mask and was getting ready to head out the door to Sammy Snickersnack's home when the phone rang. He picked up
the phone and answered, "Sweetsville
Police Headquarters. Chief Henrah Puffensnuff here. What can I do fer
"It's Mayor McPumpkin
Henrah. Just had an idea. Tell Sammy Snickersnack that it's a party we're a havin' for him tonight. Tell him he's the guest of
honor and needs to be there. Don't tell him we're gonna
demand he clean himself up. Don't tell him the townspeople are scared of
him and thinks he stinks real bad."
Mayor. I'll go easy on him. I'll get him to the meeting if I have to drag
him there myself." The Chief responded and hung up.
As the Chief drove down Mulberry Creek Road
with sun light peeking in through the trees spotting and strobing the street on this beautiful Fall day, he
couldn't help but notice all the manicured lawns, neatly trimmed hedges
and freshly painted homes on the block. It made him feel more relaxed and
comfortable to perform the task at hand.
But as he drove up a little further,
just past those beautiful homes on Mulberry Creek Road and was soon
approaching Sammy Snickersnack's home, it went
from light to dark all of a sudden. He pulled into the driveway, turned
his squad car off and sat there in anticipation for several minutes
wondering whether to get out or not.
He just sat there and looked around
observing massive spider webs hanging from the trees and all over the
garage and house. The Chief noticed many windows broken on the garage and
even the basement windows seemed to be broken. There was
puffs of smoke coming from the broken windows. "Odd. Very
odd." he thought to himself.
He looked up to the house and there
was what appeared to be hundreds of shrunken heads on the window sills
and on the front porch. Some very small, some medium sized and some very
big. There were spiders and bats everywhere hanging from the trees and
Now the Chief was becoming visibly
shaken and nervous.
The Chief considered going back to the
station and calling the FBI when all of a sudden,
there was a loud knocking on his car window. Startled, the Chief grabbed
his gas mask and put it on while the person knocking on his window
motioned for him to roll it down.
As he did rolled the window down, the
person knocking introduced himself to a shocked and somewhat frozen
He said, "Hi! I'm Sammy Snickersnack and I'm a slob. What are you supposed to
be? An ant? That's a heck of a ant mask you have
Stunned, shocked and somewhat
bewildered, as well as a tad scared at this slob and the smell coming
from his house, he said very fast voice, "I'm Police Chief Henrah Puffensnuff and your invited to a party tonight at the High School
gym. You're guest of honor so you be there or
I'll come and get ya! BUH BYE!!"
He started his car, gunned the engine,
slammed it into reverse and floored it backing into the street with such
reckless abandonment, he almost lost control and
landed in a ditch across the street. Sammy Snickersnack
ran after Chief Puffensnuff, who was still
wearing the gas mask, and shouted, "WHAT TIME SHOULD I BE
With the gas mask still on the Chiefs
head, all Sammy heard him say was, "MACK-YEN-BLUMTY!"
As the Chief sped off down the street,
Sammy Snickersnack wasn't sure what time he had
said but it sounded like he said 8:30.
The Chief had actually said 7:30pm as
he peeled out. Oh oh!
After the Police Cheif
had left Sammys house that day, all Sammy could
think about was that he finally had a visitor. He finally met someone in Sweetsville. And even more so, he was invited to a
party. A real party! He stood there for a few moments and really mulled
"Me!" he thought to himself.
"Invited to a party. And I'm guest of honor too! I don't even have
to worry about what to wear cause I'm a slob. A
real slob. Been a slob ever since I came here to Sweetsville
and have really worked hard at it. Now, everyone wants to honor me for
being a slob. I just know it. I am so, so very happy. I'm not even going
to take a bath. I'm going as is! Woo hoo!"
Later that night around 8:00, the
crowd was already there milling and mulling about talking about Sammy Snickersnack.
The entire town had shown up. Of
course, they were all dressed up in their Halloween costumes. There was
Superman, Spiderman, a Chicago Cub, a basketball player, little Miss Muffet, Chatty Cathy, a leaf blower, a cop, Alice in
Wonderland, a magician, The Mummy, the Living Impaired, a Zombie, a Devil
in a Blue Dress, a Trash Ghoul, a Monster, a Werewolf, a Teen Witch, a Vampeen, a Vampire Maid, a Grim Reaper, a Ghoul, a
Vampire Girl, a Victorian Ghost Girl, a Sewn up Dead Person, a Witches
Daughter, a Vampiress, a Ballet Witch, a Clown,
Classy Witch, a Bat, a Vampire Princess, a Hunchback, another Witch, a
Spider, a Skeleton, Frankenstein, a Ghost, a Goblin and anything else you
could think up. There wasn't a sane person in the bunch. Ooops. Wrong story.
They were growing even more upset than
they were the night before. Everyone was disgusted and angry. "WHERE
IS THAT SLOB AT CHIEF? DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM TO BE HERE??" someone in
the crowd shouted.
The Chief grabbed the microphone and
replied, "Why, yes I did!"
told the group of citizens what happened when he went to Sammy Snicksnacks' home that day. He told them about the
spider webs all around in the trees and all over the house. He told them
of the cracked windows with smoke coming from them. He told them about
the shrunken heads everywhere. When he told them that, the crowd got
really sick and had to use the restrooms.
Chapter III : Sweetsville's
Visitor a Big Surprise
It's a good thing there was punch and
cookies or the crowd would have really gotten out of control. Chief Puffensnuff was just about ready, and extremely relunctant I might add, to go and get him when the
door opened up and in walked Sammy Snickersnack.
You could hear a pin drop as the crowd
settled down and watched in a disappointed, disgusted way in his
As he walked towards the stagein his sleeveless t-shirt waving his arms in the
air exposing his hairy unkempt armpits, he exclaimed, "Well, here I is! The man of the hour. Your man is here for all to
see and receive his award. Thank ya. Thank ya. Thank ya very
He walked up the steps onto the stage
and shook the Mayors hand. He grabbed the microphone and addressed the towns people.
"Thank you for inviting me to my
party. Thank you for honoring me. I don't think there's a slob anywhere
in the world today who is more choked up than I
am right now. Wait a minute, I think I have a
He reached into his pocket and pulled
out one the most disgusting, dirtiest looking hankerchiefs
you ever saw in your life and wiped that tear from his eye.
The crowd, dumbfounded and befuddled
sat in utter disbelief and shock.
The Mayor took the quiet moment as an
opportunity to interupt the "guest of honor".
uh... Mr. Snickersnack? I don't think you quite
understand why you were called here tonight."
"Oh, I understand all to
well," Sammy quipped back.
"You see, when I moved to Sweetsville ten years ago, I had always envisioned me
as one of the best slobs anywhere, anytime. No one,
and I mean no one would appreciate a slob like me except you all. You
fine people love Halloween and so do I. You celebrate it for a month
before the day itself. I celebrate it all year round. I love being a
slob. And I love being a slob all year round. Yes I do."
The Mayor asked, "You mean to
tell us that you are slob because of Halloween? It's your.. costume?"
"Why, yes it is," Sammy
answered with a smile.
"But what about the smoke coming
from your windows. And the spiders, and the spider webs and the bats
hanging everywhere. And the shrunken heads and the horrible smell coming
from you and your home?" The Mayor asked.
"Oh that," he said.
"The smoke is from dry ice. It really makes my place look spooky.
And when I added the spiders and webs and the bats in the trees and on
the house, sometimes I'd look out the window and scare myself. Then I
remember that I was the one who hung those things and they are just plastic.
As for the shrunken heads, they are rotten apples and rotten pumpkins
with eyes, nose and mouth I made. Sorry about the smell but some of that
fruit is 10 years old. Everywhere I go, people treat me like a bum
instead of a slob. But not here. Now, where's my Award of Appreciation or
Looking down with his hands on his
Buccaneer hips, the Mayor just shook his head.
"Award? I'll give him the boot.
The boot out of town." The Mayor thought to himself.
The crowd, still stunned, stood up and
was going to really give it to him. A man dressed as a ghost yelled,
"You're a bum and a slob!"
Sammy thanked the ghost and because
the crowd was too loud and began pointing at him and screaming, and the
Mayor pounding the table with the gavel, no one could hear him.
Chatty Cathy screamed out in a loud
shrieking howl getting the crowds attention. "Let him talk
please!" she demanded.
Sammy looked at Cathy Chatty and
smiled not knowing what the problem was. But she smiled back at him and
sat down as did everyone in the room.
Sammy said, "You all have no idea
what living here in Sweetsville has done for
me. But before you all give me my award, I have
something to present to you all and the Town of Sweetsville."
He turned and faced the Mayor and
reached deep down in his pocket. Everyone watched as he pulled out a
check. It was made out to the Town of Sweetsville
and it was made out for 100 million dollars. Thats right! That's what I said. I said 100
Million dollars. $100,000,000!
The Mayor stood up and told the crowd,
"This check here is for 100 Million Dollars!"
Everyone sat motionless.
Now he had the towns
Sammy continued on, "I'm a
retired inventor and have been inventing things all my life and have been
extremely successful. I have made millions of dollars at it making me a
very, very rich man. This money is to improve the town and maybe, just
maybe, extend Halloween into Thanksgiving."
The crowd went into a
frenzy. They cheered. They cried. They high fived.
They danced. Women fainted. Men were fainting too. They just couldn't
believe it! Man, were they ever wrong about this dude.
The Mayor had to think quick. He patted him on the back, shook his hand and
told Sammy his award hadn't come back from the award shop yet and he
would personally drop it off himself. Sammy was delighted.
The Mayor then proclaimed the day
before Halloween, 'Sammy Snickersnack Day' and
told everyone, that for 100 million dollars, that he was personally going
to rename the town to Slobsville and was going
to order everyone to be a slob from now on the day before Halloween.
Not only was he going to do that, but
he changed the towns motto from 'Live and let your neighbor be who they
want to be!" to 'Live and be a Slob. It's OK in Slobsville!"
No one had a problem with that and everyone agreed. They applauded the
new proclamation, town name and motto change.
Everyone had gone up to Sammy Snickersnack to shake his hand and introduce
themselves. They did this all night long until no one was left in the
High School Gym. They gave him a big hug not even caring that he stunk so
bad. Many just held their breath. Some held
their nose. Sammy didn't care. He had long awaited this attention.
A few years later, and after much
dating, he and Cathy Chatty got married and had two and a half a dozen Snickersnacks on their wedding night. No, not
children. The snickers bar candy... duh. She made him get rid of all the
rotten apples and pumpkins and fix all the windows. He didn't care cause he was in love. They lived happily ever after.
The neighbors, who could now have dinner with the windows open also lived
happily ever after.
Update: After a few years, many people
who came to know and love the Snickersnack's
had become slobs themselves. Even the Mayor and Police Chief became
Update: Cathy didn't mind her husband
being a slob as long as he took a bath every day and used deordorant.
Update: CNN News reported that Slobsville, USA., was the
worse place to live in the USA because of all the slobs
that lived there. What do they know?
Moral: Treat all people with respect.
Treat all people the way you want to be treated. Even if they stink and
appear to be a slob. Ya never know. They may be
rich and love Halloween.
The End of the Story and the Beginning of...
Sammy Snickersnack, The Happiest Slob in
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