You know, the funny thing about Ralph and Rhoda wasn't the clothes they wore which made everyone do a double take when ever they saw them walking down the street. Ralph always wore a crown with a fake jewels in it. He wore a fluffy white collar, a long flowing cape, puffy short pants, and big brown shoes with orange buckles wherever he went.
His wife Rhoda was just as nutty if you asked me but who's asking. I'm just telling the story.
Now when Rhoda went out, she wore a crown and a beautiful purple dress. Whereever they went, they waved as if they were king and queen, or part of some royalty from a far off distant land.
The funny thing was, they actually thought they were king and queen. Really, they did.
One day, Ralph and Rhoda, while having tea, discussed getting a pet.
She asked, "Ralph, my birthdays coming up and you promised me anything I wanted."
"Yes dear. Anything my dear. Anything is what I said. You're wish shall be granted."
"Well Ralph, I want a rooster. I want a rooster so bad cause I saw one on Oprah and I really want one."
"Well, a rooster it shall be," he promised. And off they went down the street to the bus station to take a ride out to the country.
As they got on the bus, with each an every eye leering in their direction, the bus driver who knew them said, "Howdy doo to you King Ralph and Queen Rhoda. My youre looking colorful today."
"Howdy Roccoco. We see you're driving this run of the mill raggedy rick rack of a bus," they joked.
"Yup!" Roccoco replied. "How far ya going today?"
"We're going out to the country to get ourselves a rooster for a pet!" Ralph answered.
As they were taking their seats in the back of the bus, Roccoco replied, "Now, why don't I find that a bit unusual," and chuckled to himself.
As Rhoda sat down she felt she had sat on something quite uncomfortable.
As a matter of fact, she even said, "Ralph, I think I just sat on something quite uncomfortable." And she pulled out from beneath her a little box with buttons. "What's this?" she asked.
He replied, "I think it's a remote for a TV or something." He pointed it out the window and a garage door went up.
Just then, this rapscallion of a teenager ran over and grabbed it and said, "Geeze lady. I hope ya didn't break it. I'm Romeo and I am one righteous dude and you'd have paid for it too!"
They just looked at each other and Rhoda said, "I like that name."
"Romeo?" Ralph asked.
"No. Righteous dude. Hmmm. That sounds like a good name to me."
"Oh, don't bother with him. He's just another ridiculous rebel rouser making ripples." Ralph said.
A little further down the road, Ralph looked out the window and said, "Rhoda! Look! It's old man Rumplestilskin with his rucksack full of rutabagas. I hate rutabagas."
"Oh Ralph, they're not so bad if you boil them for awhile. Rumplestilskin had Rutaphobia since childhood and he couldn't eat them. Now, he goes bowling with them."
A little further down the road, with the rhythm of the bus tires hitting the cracks in the road, they started singing, "Rhinestone Cowboy". Everyone on the bus started singing. Even Roccoco and Romeo, the righteous dude sang.
Ralph and Rhoda pulled the cord to let Roccoco know to stop the bus and got off in front of this little farm house. They waved goodbye to the folks on the bus and started up the long path to the farmhouse.
Along the way, they were a bit startled by a big raunchy rabbit that jumped out in front of them and took a rampant position in a threatening way.
When the big raunchy rabbit spoke, Rhoda fainted.
He said, "I know what you are here for and you best turn back while you can or I will stomp you. You're nothing but a couple of animal racketeers! Me and my animal friends heard it from a little bird! Now.... GO AWAY!!"
But Ralph assured him that they were there to buy a rooster and take care of him, love him, and keep him for a pet.
The big raunchy rabbit looked puzzled, scratched his head and said, "Well, ya know, go ahead and get that rooster. He's a thorn in my side. A stone in my shoe. Been on my back since he got back from Romania. I thought you were here to buy me for rabbit stew. That's what the birdy told me. But you know how birds lie."
With that said, big raunchy rabbit hopped off.
When Rhoda came to, she looked at Ralph and asked, "Did that big raunchy rabbit just talk to me?"
He replied, "No Rhoda, he just spoke to me. You were unconscious. But it's ok now. It seems he was victim of a lying bird."
He helped her up, dusted her off and they continued up to the house.
When they arrived at the front porch, Ralph called out, "Is anyone home?"
Thelma and her husband Frank came out and greeted them. "You two are the most colorful people we've ever seen? Is it Halloween? What can we do for you?" Frank and Thelma asked.
"Well, it ain't Halloween and we are here to buy a rooster from you. We are royalty and expected to be treated as such. We want to take care of him, love him, and keep him for a pet." Ralph said.
Thelma looked at Frank, and Frank looked at Thelma and huddled for a moment in a chat.
"Let's get rid of that pesky old rooster that's been giving us a hard way ever since he got back from Romania," they whispered to each other.
They agreed and turned and said, "Have we got the perfect rooster for you and he's only 25 cents!! Heck, we'll even throw in 2 rutabagas!"
"Super!!" they both replied and Frank grabbed his red hat and went off to get him.
He came back with the rooster walking along side him on a leash.
"Here ya go! Here's your pet rooster. You can even keep the leash and his comb." Frank said. Ralph happily and gave Frank the 25 cents but declined the rutabagas.
As they were leaving, Thelma and Frank sat out in the yard to celebrate their good fortune with a glass of lemonade. Just then, a bird flew over and, with perfect aim left a deposit squarely in the middle of Thelma's head. She reached up, felt the damage, and shouted, "QUICK! GET ME SOME TOILET PAPER!!!"
To which Frank replied, "It wouldn't do any good. That bird has to be miles away by now.'
|As Ralph and Rhoda waited for the bus to go back to the city, the rooster was hard to contain. No matter what they did, it jumped, squawked, ran around and just made a nuisance of himself. And when they got on the bus, it was even tougher to make him behave. But they were convinced that once they got it home, and they could take care of it, the rooster would change his rambunctious ways.
"Once we get it home, what cha gonna name him Rhoda?"
"Don't know." Rhoda replied. "Got to give it some thought."
Well, after one year of havoc, not only in their home but outside too, and the sleepless nights, and especially in the mornings, they decided to get rid of him. They just couldn't take it anymore.
They sat at the kitchen table and pondered the question, "What shall we do?"
They began to feeling remorseful even though he was a thorn in their side and a stone in their shoe. And after all, since they did buy him for 25 cents, they had spent $263.00 on 53 cases of Rolaids.
Not knowing the rooster was just around the corner listening to what his fate was going to be, Ralph brought up another serious question.
"Ya know Rhoda, ya never did name that dog gone rooster."
She looked at Ralph shaking her head and said, "I know what to name that troublesome rooster. How about, Rowdy Ringnecked Rooster the Righteous Dude!"
With that, the rooster, who was listening around the corner and now had a name, Rowdy Ringnecked Rooster the Righteous Dude, came around the corner and jumped into Rhoda's lap and gave her a big kiss on the mouth! He then jumped across the table and shook Ralph's hand and gave him a hug. It was pure ratification!
"That's it!" Rhoda exclaimed. "We never gave him a name! Will you look at the love!!!"
And the three of them lived happily ever after. They made Rowdy Ringnecked Rooster the Righteous Dude the Court Jester. He was very proud and happy he had a name.