was exposed as the common link all the witnesses for the prosecution
had against me?
1. They had all sued hospitals before.
2. They never had read any of my stories past the first paragraph.
3. And the worst evidence of all and the most common thread?
They were all related to my ex-wife!
|The courtroom was aghast. The Prosecution, Mr. Chris
Coe, stood up and shouted, "Your Honor, this is a charade on
behalf of the Defense and they should
|The Judge interrupted and replied, "SIT DOWN Mr. Chris Coe!
I think I have heard way too much. No need for closing arguments gentlemen.
I am putting this in the Jury's hands."
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, as instructed before, if
you feel that Mr. Valentino is guilty, you must return a verdict
of guilty. If you believe him innocent, then return the verdict
of not guilty. Do you understand?"
They just looked at each other and the Juror in the first chair stood and told the court, "Your Honor? We do not need to deliberate. Kieto Valentino is I N N O C E N T ! So say us all! And each Juror shouted YES!!
||Flashbulbs, screams, cheers, and hip, hip
hoorays were going off in and outside the courtroom. The Judge pounded
his gavel many times and finally shouted, "KIETO! YOU ARE FREE
TO GO! Go and write all the wacky stories you wish!"
Ziggy jumped into my arms as I tried to shake Chris P. Bacon's
hand. Mr. Chris Coe came over and apologized and then leaned over
to me. There was so much noise, I could hardly hear him, but I think
he said he enjoyed Patty Cake The Lumberjack story. And also that
he was just doing his job. The District Attorney, Mr. Al Dente,
also offered his apologies.
Ziggy and I had a Police escort so we wouldn't be mobbed. All along
the highway were supporters holding signs that read, 'We knew you
were innocent Kieto!' and 'You da man Kieto!'. And some that read,
'I vote every election!' and 'Eat LOW-FAT!' and even 'It's my choice
to be stupid!' (Don't ask. I'm just telling the story.)
|The next day, Ziggy ran out to get the
paper. She was taking a long time so I looked out the window and she
was sitting on the step reading the front page. When I opened the
door, she held up the paper and the headlines read
Trial of the Century ends in Jubilation!
Kieto is innocent.
Ziggy and me lived happily ever after!
you get a summons to serve on a jury, read the paper before you